Ever Feel Weak?

I've been feeling very weak these past few days...
I'm not sure what it is..
Is it cause I'm not eating? Is it cause I'm trying to rebel & NOT eat?
Well whatever the reason is, i can't take it.

I was just reading my best friends blog and i was in tears. I'm so glad i have this blog to share my feelings 100%. It's my life saver.

But while i was reading it, i could tell she was struggling. Clearly. I knew she was and she needs help but she's not going to listen to me so whats the point. Right?

Well now i feel like a horrible friend. I should have spoke up before she got this bad.

Its all my fault.

Isn't god suppose to help those in need? :(

"He gives power to the weak, and strength to the powerless." -Isaiah 40:29

But i don't see that happening at all.

I feel like i can't bring up my own problems to my best friend..

I'm tired of crying

I'm tired of yelling

I'm tired of feeling sad

I'm tired of pretending

I'm tired of being alone

I'm tired of being angry

I'm tired of feeling crazy

I'm tired of feeling stuck

I'm tired of needing help

I'm tired of being different

I'm tired of feeling worthless

I'm tired of feeling empty inside

I'm tired of not being able to just let go

I'm tired of dreaming of a life i will never have.

You're A God Who Has All Things, And Still You Want Me.

Moving on is not about not looking back. It’s taking a glance at yesterday, and seeing how much you’ve grown since then.
Maybe I have failed more often than I have succeeded but I can pick myself up, hold my head high and move forward.
Because I’m telling you that from this great fall, I’ve come a long way and I love my life now more than ever thought possible.

I have been listening to this song the whole week and its so inspiring to me. It has helped me get through this weeks ups and down <3
Listen..

Thank you go for being with me through these ups and down in my life and thank you for giving me the tools to do so. i love how you created music so that people could connect with you better. i love you! Amen <3

My Favorite..

Soo, for all my "ED" friends out there that are struggling right now i just wanted to share the things that go me though my touch times (:

I just love finding these awesome quotes in the bible.

Don't EVER give up. God is with you the whole way to recovery.. (:



# 252

To Finally Experience

What years of fighting was for,

& know it was worth it.

Please (:

PLEASE.

Know that you are beautiful..

Hear me when i say that I [believe] in you

 Trust me when i tell you it will get better

Keep hoping that tomorrow will be better

Don't regret the struggles that have made you stronger

Always remember that you are never alone

Put a smile [:)] on that gorgeous face. :D

Don't underestimate your ability.

Believe that you can do this.

Love yourself

Don't ever, ever, EVER give up 

Day 21: A Picture of Something You Wish You Could Forget

I'm not going to lie.. This question had me thinking. I was stumped.

I had a few things in mind...

 I wish i could forget all the mean and hurtful things girls have said to me..

 I wish i could forget certain people in my life...

But then again. All this stuff made me stronger & has made me who i am today.

Everything happens for a reason & if certain things never happened then i don't know where i would be.

My mind wants me to forget all this stuff..

...But my heart is saying that you are the strong person you are because of this!

Giuliana Rancic

So i'm sure you have all heard of Giuliana Rancic. [She is a host on Enews!]

Well she has been trying to get pregnant for a few years now and her body just isnt having it :/

So my mom was watching the Today Show this morning and she was on there!

She said that the last time they went in for fertility, the doctor said she needed a mamogram before anything..

She was fighing hik and brushing it off sahing "No im fine i dont need that"

Once the test results came back..

Breast Cancer

For people that don't know, if you are pregnant and have breast cancer, it can speed up the cancer...

...So it was a good thing she didn't get pregnant.

God wanted her to take care of the cancer before she could care for a child!

See.. Everything happens for a reason!

Our God is SO faithful <3

Don't Quit

When things go wrong as they sometimes will,

When the road you're taking seems all uphill,

When you're feeling low and the stress is high...

and you want to smile but you have to sigh,

When worries are getting you down a bit,

By all means pray and don't you quit,

Success is failure turned inside out,

God's hidden gift in the clouds of doubt,

You never can tell how close you are,

It may be near when it seems so far,

So trust in the lord when you're hardest hit...

Its when things go wrong that you must not quit!

I Was made To Be Courageous

Whenever i'm really down with my eating disorder i start to think.. "wow god gave me this disorder..why god..why?" I honestly dont know why i think that way.. maybe its just me acting in the moment?
But i know that it was my choice to rely on what other poeple say about me to make me happy..
The only thing god gave me was the courage to get through it
&&
he promised me that he would be there for me the entire way and that he loves me for me,
not what other people say about me

guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long. (Psalm 25:5)

 Every.Single.Day
this is how i see my body.. & this is what i think
Some people asky.. "what made you think this way?" and "How can you be so cruel to your body that god gave you?"
Thats a really good question..
Its mostly just not being secure with who you are. & depending on what one person said about you..
Once your relationship with god weakens i feel that the devil almost distracts you telling you to destroy it
its an addiction.. like drugs
its not an easy fix
but then i hear..
"your relationship with god is good now so the eating disorder should go away right?"
well no.. i really wish it was that easy.
but each day i can feel god helping me get through breakfast.Lunch.Dinner
& each time it gets a little easier to eat

fear not, for I am with you;  be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you,  I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10)

The LORD is my strength and my song, and he has become my salvation; this is my God, and I will praise him, my father’s God, and I will exalt him. (Exodus 15:2)

I can do all things through him who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:13)

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it. (1 Corinthians 10:13  )

But the Lord stood by me and strengthened me, so that through me the message might be fully proclaimed and all the Gentiles might hear it. So I was rescued from the lion’s mouth. (2 Timothy 4:17)

The LORD is my light and my salvation;    whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life;  of whom shall I be afraid? (Psalm 27:1) 

Strong Enough- Matthew West

I was on my way to school this morning when this song came on..

I started crying because it reminds me of my everyday struggle with this eating disorder.

Then as i was really listening, i realized that god only gives us as much as we can handle..

The beginnng of the song says "you must think im strong enough" which is what god thinks.

He KNOWS that im strong enough to overcome this eating disorder and with the lord all things are possible...

listen to it (:

It really spoke to me